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The Ultimate Guide to Sigma Males: How (and Why) To Be One


You’ve heard of alpha males, but have you heard of sigma males?

You know you’re not an Alpha, you don’t see yourself as Beta, but you’re curious if you’re a Sigma and you want to know more about this type.

Maybe you think it will help you meet more girls. Or that it will help you in your current relationship.

Or your just curious about who these Sigma males are.

Sigmas are an elusive type. They are brooding and mysterious; it’s hard to define them. They like their own space and don’t follow others. They don’t necessarily want to lead or to follow and are independent, neither belonging to nor standing against a crowd.

But this gives them advantages.

The King of the Jungle?

For a long time now, popular psychology has described men as either Alpha or Beta, deriving the terms from studies of animals and their social hierarchies. Ethologists describe Alpha males as the more dominant, aggressive members in mammalian groups where the animal’s position in the group social hierarchy determines mating rights.

In these groups, typical of dogs, lions, horses, apes, chimpanzees and gorillas, the stronger, more aggressive males would fight and dominate the other males. As a leader, they retain rights to mate with all the females in the group, but must continuously defend their position. Fights in the wild are often vicious and can lead to death.

Betas are the secondary males, all those who are less healthy and able and of secondary rank.

Nowadays, the general public translates these concepts over to Homo sapiens.

Although our mating system is different and we don’t operate in winner takes all groups like the animals above, our society is still somewhat hierarchical, and those at the top do gain more access to wealth and status.

Translated into human terms, Alpha males are aggressive, dominating, confident, and extroverted. They like to lead and take charge, and they don’t seem to suffer self-doubt. We tend to think of them as loud and belligerent, a little obnoxious. Quite often, Alpha males will work out and will be happy to show off their muscles.

Beta males are more submissive and collaborative. They are introverts and like to follow instructions. They don’t want to stand out of the crowd and are afraid of their more dominant peers. No one wants to be a Beta. They suffer insecurity and stress from being near the bottom of the pack.

Introverted Alphas

The Urban dictionary describes Sigma males as:

“The introverted Alpha male. They stand outside society’s guidelines and are independent thinkers. In many respects, they are like Alpha males. Although they can appear quiet to those who do not know them, they are outgoing once you speak to them. Sigmas are on a similar level to Alphas, but they are less loud and are more in tune with themselves.”

Here are 17 traits of Sigma Males that you need to know. Learning these will give you insight into how to become one:

1. Independent

Sigma males are direct. They rely on themselves. Company is ok, but they don’t need too much. They may have a couple of close friends, but they don’t need a large social circle. They are content with their own company and don’t like wasting time.

2. Illusive

The words mysterious, elusive and hard to reach, are often used to describe a Sigma male. It’s not that they are particularly secretive, it’s just that they don’t engage in banalities. They don’t like to overshare their life.

3. Off the Grid

Because of their character traits, Sigma males are less likely to be on the web. They recognise its benefits but rarely see the need to engage social media all the time. They see all media as helpful tools to connect, but also understand they can drain time.

4. Deep Thinkers

Sigma males ponder the deep questions in life. They wonder why we are here, what the purpose of life is, and how to live a good life. Because of their depth, they often reject much of what society says and does.

5. Detest Shallowness

Sigma males detest superficiality and shallowness, that’s usually why they dislike groups and small talk and why they keep themselves to themselves. They take life far too seriously to engage in life’s trivialities.

6. Charismatic

Because of their elusiveness, quietness and independence, many people find them quite charismatic. Sigmas are silently confident, and that has power. They are ‘dark horses’, and their lack of desire for social approval makes them stand out.

7. Differently Dominant

While Alphas dominate through their loud behaviour, hostility, and showing off, Sigmas dominate differently. They often get what they want without others noticing. They can be excellent at networking as people respect what they say.

8. Brooding

Some people say Sigmas are brooding. They are undoubtedly quiet and rarely speak unnecessarily. Their moods are often darker. It’s not that they are not happy or optimistic, just that they are not superficial. They favour practicality over positivity.

9. Critical Thinking

Sigma males think critically about what others tell them whether this is from teachers, parents, or co-workers. And even stuff that they read on the web. They recognise critical thinking skills are crucial to getting by in the world.

10. Embrace Ambiguity

Sigma males are happy with uncertainty; they don’t need the world to be black and white. They recognise that this applies to many spheres, including what is real and what is right. They still have preferences like anyone else, but don’t hold onto them too tightly.

11. No Slave to Fashion

Sigma males don’t care too much about what is fashionable. They are far too independent and practical to care. They like to look good, but they embrace their style and pay no mind to what is popular.

12. Don’t Fit In

Sigma males rarely find themselves as part of groups. They can take part in them if it suits their needs, but they will never be a full-time member. Something about the dependence of a clique puts them off.

13. Adaptable

Sigma males can adapt to different circumstances. Because they reject much of what society says everyone should do, they often don’t follow the same path as everyone else. Yet Sigma’s don’t like to stand out and attract attention to themselves, so they learn to adjust and blend in.

14. Dislike Rules

Sigma males are not anarchists and they do obey the rules. But where the rules are not transparent, or the rules seem trivial and pointless, and no one is getting harmed, then they may choose to sidestep them.

15. Dislike Constraints

Sigmas detest it when others try to control them, and this is why others often see them as rebels. Many see society’s rules as a subtle form of control and so choose not to follow blindly. Thus Sigmas celebrate freedom and fight things that hold them back.

16. Travel Lightly

Sigmas are not impressed by material wealth. While an Alpha may be striving for money and status to show off their power, the Sigma male is content with what he has. He prefers his wit, his intellect and his cunning to any material possession.

17. Have No Plans

Sigma males find it hard to dedicate themselves to one thing for any length of time. They have many things that interest them and like to be involved in different activities. Often they have a varied and exciting life but don’t always have the single-minded success dedication brings.

A Rising Breed Whose Time Has Come

There are several reasons why it is good to be a Sigma Male. There may be no better time than now to be one.

Previously society valued Alphas. They were loud, obnoxious, and in your face, but the strictly ordered business world preferred them. The word Alpha male as applied to humans first referred to those CEO’s that seemed brash and unstoppable.

New research is showing this type of leadership is ineffectual, though.

Moreover, traditional organisational hierarchies are not as strict as they were; increasingly, organisations are appreciating the benefits of having independent employees who can think outside the box.

But society has changed too.

While Sigmas have always existed before they were on the edges of society.

Once thought of as a rare breed, the rise of new technologies, particularly the internet, means they can live and work anywhere. Often they spend time as a digital nomads and struggle to settle down.

Women find them appealing too.

Their self-sufficiency, aloofness and ability to forge their own opinions and path in life mean that many women like them. A Sigma male makes a reliable partner who is adventurous and not afraid of the world’s disdain.

Yet Sigma males won’t stay alone forever.

After some time out of society, a time of self-searching and growth, they often come to find a cause. One the years of wandering are over Sigmas make their peace with the world and begin to impact it in ways Alphas rarely do.

Because of the time they’ve spent thinking, when they do act, it is with more thought, and the cause is less selfish.

The Sigma male then works to keep his independence while doing good.

Adopt the Best Traits of This Popular Personality

Do you identify with any of these traits?

Which ones apply to you, and can you see their benefit?

You have everything you need to understand the character of a Sigma male. Remember it’s a heuristic though. It’s a popular character type, but not everyone fits into it.

Still, think about what you like about Sigmas, what traits do you not have that you would like? How can you get them? Which qualities do you need to strengthen? And where are you on the Sigma’s journey?

Sometimes pop-psychology resonates with us as there is some truth to it. And learning about ourselves is always productive.

Insight into our character gives us resilience, strength and courage to deal with severe problems.

Go forth Sigmas. Your time has come.


References:
Related Video: 5 Habits Of The Sigma Male (6:17 min)
About the author

Matt is a trained and licenced Mindfulness teacher and Stress and Anxiety Reduction Counsellor operating in and around the Peterborough area. After overcoming his own stress and anxiety he's found his purpose teaching others to do the same.

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