Anger Management Counselling Peterborough

Man in Need of Anger Management

Anger can take a lot of different forms, but it is a common emotion that most people have.

In fact, there’s nothing wrong with being angry in itself. It is sometimes justified. It is when we overreact, responding in a way that is out of proportion to the situation, that we lay ourselves open to criticism. And sometimes we ourselves are our harshest critics.

Irritability is similar but different to anger. It is also a common emotion. The very term ‘irritability', implies that there is no justification for the reaction. It suggests that a person is being snappy and bad-tempered when there is no call to be so.

As such, it fails the ‘Justified?’ test; people are almost always criticised for being irritable. Again, we may be our harshest critics in this respect.

What makes us angry?

It is important to know the sorts of things, which make you angry.

There are three categories of event that make people angry:

  • irritants,
  • costs
  • transgressions.

There are plenty of irritants:

  • people leaving doors open,
  • neighbours making a noise,
  • even they way people eat or cough.

Likewise, there are plenty of things people do that have a cost for us:

  • our children break-things and the consequent financial cost;
  • our partners contradicting us and costing us loss of face;
  • having to do things unexpectedly, which costs us time.

The important thing is, you, like everyone, else will have a set of rules that you expect other people to abide by. When someone breaks one of those rules, it is known as a transgression. When you spot a transgression, or think you have, the chances are you will be angry.

Some things which make us angry straddle the boundaries between these categories. For example, a child breaking something may make us angry because of the cost involved in replacing it, but also because they have not, in our view taken enough care.

Digging deep and understanding your anger

It’s possible to learn about your anger and how your actions to it come about. It is well worth doing this because you can then analyse your own actions, and those of others.

Armed with this awareness you can then intervene to lessen the anger you experience. Moreover, we can also alter the responses we produce. It is those responses that people refer to as our ‘irritability’ or ‘anger’.

Digging deep into your anger means beginning to understand your:

  • triggers (what triggers your anger)
  • the anger itself (which can gradually build up, like increasing amounts of water pouring into a bucket);
  • inhabitations (which stop us giving vent to our anger)
  • responses (which can range from nothing at all, when we are completely in control of our anger, through to catastrophic responses when we fail to control it.)

Importantly, there is no need to ‘let our anger out’. Very often, ‘letting our anger out’ makes it worse. Better to let it seep away, like water running from a leaky bucket.

Getting a handle on your anger

It is important to have a very clear idea if what triggers your irritation or anger. Once you have that, you can either remove the trigger (although this is frequently impossible) or take a range of other actions, which we will cover later on.

The best way of identifying what triggers your irritation and anger is to keep a note of it; simply trying to recollect what triggers it is surprisingly unreliable. A list of triggers other people have found is:

  • The neighbours playing loud music
  • The kids next door playing soccer in the street
  • The people next door showing no consideration for their neighbours
  • Other people being inconsiderate
  • Other people putting themselves above me
  • Queue jumping
  • My husband eating his food noisily
  • My husband/wife
  • My partner
  • My children
  • George, at work
  • My son being careless
  • Being kept waiting
  • Being contradicted or proved wrong in public
  • Being overworked by my boss
  • Being dumped by my boyfriend
  • My partner telling other people about things that were just between us
  • My wife laughing and joking with other men
  • Being made to look foolish in public
  • My daughter being lazy
  • My daughter being disobedient
  • My son telling lies
  • People stealing form me or damaging my property
  • Bouncers
  • Police officers
  • Being hungry
  • Being carved up by another drive
  • Being crammed in the Tube
  • Being stressed out
  • Being bored
  • Being tired

Internal Links

External Links

Reach Out

Identifying your triggers and learning to cope with your anger is a start. When you begin to feel angry you can try counting to 10 and breathing slowly, so as to manage your response.

Over the longer-term exercise and taking to time to look after yourself can help. As can getting creative.

Many people find drugs and alcohol contribute to their anger and can make problems worse.

Talking about how you feel can help many people with anger. Socan recognising and letting go of angry thoughts.

Domestic violence and anger

Violence or threatening behaviour within the home is domestic violence.

If uncontrolled anger leads to this, there are places that offer help and support.

If you are a victim of domestic violence you can talk to your GP. Alternatively, there are dedicated organisations such as Refuge, Women's Aid or the Alternatives to Violence Project.

Read the NHS's page about getting help for domestic violence.

How we help

Getting some assistance with your anger will help you feel calmer, more relaxed and joyful. Together we will:

  • Exploration and identification of the potential triggers for your anger.
  • Exploration of some of your thoughts and feelings during the anger process or cycle.
  • The introduction of tools and techniques that can help you start to get control and defeat your anger.

Let’s discover how I can help.

Reach out to schedule your first appointment. During your first session, you can share a bit about what's troubling you and I can answer any questions you might have. We'll discuss your goals and my approach and assess whether we are the right fit for each other. To schedule your first appointment, call 07889 589 675 email I'm here for you.

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