Anger can take a lot of different forms, but it is a common emotion that most people have.
In fact, there’s nothing wrong with being angry in itself. It is sometimes justified. It is when we overreact, responding in a way that is out of proportion to the situation, that we lay ourselves open to criticism. And sometimes we ourselves are our harshest critics.
Irritability is similar but different to anger. It is also a common emotion. The very term ‘irritability', implies that there is no justification for the reaction. It suggests that a person is being snappy and bad-tempered when there is no call to be so.
As such, it fails the ‘Justified?’ test; people are almost always criticised for being irritable. Again, we may be our harshest critics in this respect.
It is important to know the sorts of things, which make you angry.
There are three categories of event that make people angry:
There are plenty of irritants:
Likewise, there are plenty of things people do that have a cost for us:
The important thing is, you, like everyone, else will have a set of rules that you expect other people to abide by. When someone breaks one of those rules, it is known as a transgression. When you spot a transgression, or think you have, the chances are you will be angry.
Some things which make us angry straddle the boundaries between these categories. For example, a child breaking something may make us angry because of the cost involved in replacing it, but also because they have not, in our view taken enough care.
It’s possible to learn about your anger and how your actions to it come about. It is well worth doing this because you can then analyse your own actions, and those of others.
Armed with this awareness you can then intervene to lessen the anger you experience. Moreover, we can also alter the responses we produce. It is those responses that people refer to as our ‘irritability’ or ‘anger’.
Digging deep into your anger means beginning to understand your:
Importantly, there is no need to ‘let our anger out’. Very often, ‘letting our anger out’ makes it worse. Better to let it seep away, like water running from a leaky bucket.
It is important to have a very clear idea if what triggers your irritation or anger. Once you have that, you can either remove the trigger (although this is frequently impossible) or take a range of other actions, which we will cover later on.
The best way of identifying what triggers your irritation and anger is to keep a note of it; simply trying to recollect what triggers it is surprisingly unreliable. A list of triggers other people have found is:
Identifying your triggers and learning to cope with your anger is a start. When you begin to feel angry you can try counting to 10 and breathing slowly, so as to manage your response.
Over the longer-term exercise and taking to time to look after yourself can help. As can getting creative.
Many people find drugs and alcohol contribute to their anger and can make problems worse.
Talking about how you feel can help many people with anger. Socan recognising and letting go of angry thoughts.
Violence or threatening behaviour within the home is domestic violence.
If uncontrolled anger leads to this, there are places that offer help and support.getting help for domestic violence.
Getting some assistance with your anger will help you feel calmer, more relaxed and joyful. Together we will:
Let’s discover how I can help.
Reach out to schedule your first appointment. During your first session, you can share a bit about what's troubling you and I can answer any questions you might have. We'll discuss your goals and my approach and assess whether we are the right fit for each other. To schedule your first appointment, call 07889 589 675 email firstname.lastname@example.org. I'm here for you.
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